I'm completely obsessed with making soap. Well, technically it's just rebatching soap. I find making soap from scratch using lye, tallowate (rendered fat), and essential oils far too advanced and tedious. (as well as dangerous for my small one person kitchen) so I've decided to give my hand a go at the Hand Milled Process. Which is essentially grating down a soap base, and adding in your scents, botanicals, and colorants. The process takes about 45 minutes, and by the end of it all, you have semi hand-made soap to gift or keep for yourself. I absolutely love this process, mostly because I have no patience what so ever, and it's so gratifying to see your product in as little as 30 minutes (if put in freezer). Granted you still have to cure the pieces for up to 3-4 weeks, but just seeing it out of it's mold is enough for me.

Here's a picture of the first batch ice made: Lavender Breeze

In response to the phrase "fuck it" that has been seen all over pinterest and facebook:

Because owning up to and admitting to making mistakes is just out of the question.

Because maturity is sure being displayed with your ability to "just fuck it"

Because instead of growing up and facing responsibilities like a mature adult, you can toss them aside without a single thought process.

Because you are so worried about yourself, that you cease to see the big picture.

Because your idea of what normal is, is so warped with a preconceived ideal from your upbringing, that it blinds you from reality.

Because You are maniacally obsessed with your image, so therefore have to upkeep with a phrase that fits the mold for the lifestyle.

Because you have no aspirations for a greater life, so for you to "fuck it" seems fitting anyways. What's there to throw away? Nothing.

(and if you can't tell, all these responses are sarcastically written!!!)

Phrases like these make me so mad. It Popularizes the idea that NOT taking responsibility for your actions is normal and okay. This lack of empathy or better yet, flippant non-attachment to our surroundings/people. It's the unaccountability this phrase gives off that makes me mad. The idea that if it isn't directly affecting you, nothing should matter. Sure, on a certain level, I get it. But when your actions ARE affecting other people, negatively, wouldn't you want to take accountability for your mistakes? Learn from an experience? Grow from it?

When the phrase "fuck it" is used in this regard, you are throwing away a chance to grow. Become a better person. I mean, isn't this what everyone is striving for?

Think before you speak. Think before you act. It all comes down to thinking. If you aren't thinking, what ARE you doing?

It didn't take me very long to appreciate the sound emanating from the stage at the sold out Fox Theatre in Oakland Wednesday night. First off, I'd like to point out my virginity to such an awe inspiring venue, being my first time there, was almost as good as finding out how awesome chocolate is for the first time. If you've been there, you don't need for me to go on about the gorgeously delicate ceiling or the vintage tapestries draped along the walls, peering through scroll like windows, and the light fixtures giving off a soft glow of light being caught by the detailing in the framework...but I'll go ahead anyway! Amaze-balls. Yes. I just said balls. Moving on...

Headlining, were the masters of intricately melodious and emotionally charged music, Death Cab for Cutie. Another one of my favorite bands from my youth. But aside from experiencing one of the most electrifying performances from them, my gaze is not entirely focused on them alone. Besides, with a band that I hold in such high regard on my "all-time-favorites" list, they can do no wrong and they exceeded every expectation in my mind.

Upon hearing his voice; high, soft and tear evoking; Trevor Powers, frontman of Youth Lagoon, caught my focus almost instantaneously. Blogs all over are already clamoring on about his music, and it makes me so happy to see he is getting the attention he so well deserves! His voice rings out almost whispering behind his fusion of beats and keyboard/guitar riffs, almost something out of an dream...which he claims most of his stuff comes from. Not necessarily good dreams. We all have demons. I can account to some in my life, but not all of us possess the talent to turn it into art, or better, an album.

I ran into him at Make Westing (a very chill bar with a bocce ball court inside!!) after the show. And while I didn't present it as a formal interview, I did get an insight into how he thinks and how his music comes to life. Trevor is not only humble, he is as sweet as they come. Graciously accepting a conversation as if we had known each other for years. When asked about some of his influential favorites, he rattled off Townes Van Zandt and the Cocteau Twins, among others. What caught me off guard were the two completely different genres, however, each with compelling musical storytelling well beyond it's time, tell a little bit about his upbringing in Boise, Idaho. I am completely enamored by his presence but most importantly his music, and have been listening to The Year Of Hibernation, his debut LP, non stop.

The icing on the cake? When he introduced us to Benjamin Gibbard. Yea. Highlight of the year.

Most of the time, I keep my musical interests to myself, I like to hoard them and not share. Ha! But, I felt a bit compelled to, as a sort of testament of character.

yea, there's a lot of hype surrounding Youth Lagoon. But this time, it seems legit. All I know is, I'll be waiting for the sophomore record with anticipation. ;)

gah. I don't feel like it's my birthday (it's tomorrow). yeah. and don't get me started on the whole April Fool's Day birthday. I've had to live with it for almost three decades...One year, I believe it was at 10 or so, as I was unsuspectingly laying in bed one morning, my dad rushed into my bedroom, as loud as he could, and started hollering about our dog, saying he just ran out of the door and into the street and got struck by a car! I went from being in my half asleep/half awake state to rising out of bed with a knot in my throat, and pins and needles poking me on my entire body in one moment to the next. The shock took over me so quickly, that in that moment, I felt the world come crashing down on me, so upset, and so hurt, for I loved that puppy, and couldn't believe what had happened! But as soon as I had felt that response, my dad then started laughing, saying his line almost as if on queue. "April FOOOLLSSS!"

What a cruel, cruel joke.

So, as you can see, I'm not a very big fan of the day my birthday falls on. But besides that, I've always been pretty excited about birthdays. People shower you with attention and gifts, I get catered to by my lovies. What's not to love? I don't know why this year I am feeling a bit ambivalent about it. I could care less. Besides the lovely card and wishes from a dear friend, I don't really care if it goes unnoticed.

Maybe if I stop celebrating birthdays I won't actually be turning another year? Maybe it's my internal clock telling me it's time for me to start being angry at how old I'm getting? The thing is, I'm not even thirty yet. but I definitely feel older than what I am turning. I guess having a kid can wear your mind/body down a little sooner. (don't hate me for that last line, you know it's true, even though I know you're holding onto and preserving the last ounce of youth in yourself, and you often times deny that you feel older after having kids. That is a flat out lie.)

Maybe I'm not into it this year because of so many things going on right now. I'm distracted with...life. I don't feel overwhelmed, just this sense of making sure my eggs are in the basket. (heh, Easter's on the mind too apparently). I know I have to prioritize and make time for certain things, but I catch myself wanted to wear PJ's all day, and shut out the world, and just retreat for a while. Lay my dizzying head on my pillow and just sleep, and lethargically watch TV all day, while snacking on cereal 'round the clock. haha. I know I cannot get into the habit of thinking I can "Check" out. I need to focus on things, now more than ever! It's going to be really rough the next couple of months, adjusting to a new work schedule, school starting in June and then Taylor starting school in August. I guess I just need a kick in the ass. So, if you are reading this. Feel free to kick me in the ass, and tell me to get dressed.

This morning I witnessed a Blue Jay on my balcony. He was holding a peanut in his beak. It was almost the size of his head. His black feathers glistened in the morning sunlight, and the blue feathers trailing behind were a bit dingy, possibly from the rain, but still a bright contrast from the black. Such a pretty bird. With a quick swoop, he lifted himself to my planter box still holding on to the nut. He put the peanut in the box right behind a potted succulent plant and started to pick at it incessantly. At first I thought he was trying to crack the shell, but then after a few moments, noticed he was shifting the dirt around the nut! He was hiding it! What a sight...here was this creature so intent on surviving, having to hide his meals from other competitors from the "wild". Every few seconds having to stop, look up and around to make sure no other animals were watching him hide his precious nut. I stayed absolutely still, and marveled at what I had just seen. It's not everyday you can watch animal survival instincts up close. And just as quickly as he swooped onto the balcony, in a swift movement he was gone. Leaving his little peanut buried beneath the succulent plant, in the planter on my balcony. I wonder if I'll be able to see him retrieve it.

What a find!! $3 bucks at an estate sale!!! Score!!!!